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It’s been a really long time since the last time iv’e posted. I really need to be in the right mindset as i don’t want to post rubbish plus i’m a busy lad. Iv’e completed my first year at university with very minor issues and a feeling of accomplishment in a long time.

Things around me seem to be moving fast and you get that feeling of being left behind. Iv’e had numerous dreams that point this out from friends leaving me behind to me being lost and needing to say something to someone but they are never there. I do admit i have a fear of being left behind and not sure how to deal with it. I’ll either disappear or cling on too tightly making them disappear, it’s a tough cycle.

Iv’e always thought is there a cure to mental illness and i really don’t think there is, it’s all a balancing act and managing it. For me it feels like i’m standing in the middle of a seesaw balancing, one side is extreme happiness the other is severe depression, the whole time i’m trying to stay level and balanced as if i lean too much towards extreme happiness for me all i think about is how long is this going to last till something bad happens knocking me heavily in the opposite direction. Talking is key but it’s extremely difficult because it’s so hard to put into words and others who haven’t gone through it will struggle to understand.

I think the older i get the more i realise and can get a grasp on it early but there is that one thing hiding in the back of your mind all the time filling you with ‘what if’s’ and every ‘what if’ is very negative. Everyone wants happiness but i think balance is the key, same goes for a relationship, a balance of independence and sharing with that person is what works so why not within yourself? why fall when you can stay level? Obviously this is easier said then done and i’m still figuring it out myself but i hope that might help you think more deeply about yourself and how you portray the inner you.

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