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Unhappy uprise

~ find your way out of the darkness

Unhappy uprise

Category Archives: battle

Missing something?

19 Thursday Mar 2015

Posted by Scott Johnson in alone, anxiety, battle, beliefs, depressed, depression, empty, friends, friendship, humanity, lost, missed, missing, people, relationship

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alone, anxiety, battle, beliefs, depressed, depression, empty, friend, friendship, humanity, lost, missed, missing, people, relationship

That feeling as if you’re missing something. You see other people that must have it but you don’t. Other people are in relationships or have very close friends but all you get is people blocking you and ignoring you. What am i doing wrong? should i be sending dick pics instead of trying to start a conversation? am i really that ugly? what is it? all i can figure out is that i don’t have it. Whatever it is i want it more then money. I don’t want to try and have everyone like me because i know not everyone can like you, that’s just ridiculous. But to have some that have no hidden agendas and would do anything for you like you would for them, is that too much to ask for? is trust non existent? Is everyone too self centred? don’t people think of other people any more? Whatever it is that I’m missing I want it!!

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Money, isn’t it wonderful?

03 Tuesday Mar 2015

Posted by Scott Johnson in addiction, battle, beliefs, black, cash, change, dark, friends, friendship, future, gains, hope, money, moral, morals, obsession, poison, profit, rich

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addiction, beliefs, black, cash, change, dark, friends, friendship, gains, hope, money, moral, morals, obsession, poison, profit, rich

Money, we all need it, it’s a bit of paper with numbers on it displaying an amount or little metal pieces.

What would you do to get money?  live in misery to be rich? destroy other humans lives to become wealthy? all these have been done on numerous occasions. Money is even stronger than someones beliefs. A cardinal in Vatican city in control of the money for the poor used it for himself to build a new kitchen and travel business class everywhere. It’s amazing how money can change people so much to even go against their own beliefs and morals. To destroy other peoples lives so you can make a bigger profit, Money is a poison but its a poison we need, Just stay true to yourself and follow your moral compass, we were not meant to hurt or destroy other people. Why sell your soul and surround yourself with fakes instead of friends. Just don’t forget who you are and what’s your beliefs but most importantly don’t forget who you were.

The workforce, Good and the bad!

09 Monday Feb 2015

Posted by Scott Johnson in addiction, alone, anxiety, battle, black, blue, career, depressed, depression, down, dream, family, friends, friendship, health & wellness, health and wellness, help, inspiration, job, jobs, life

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alone, ambition, anxiety, battle, blue, career, dark, depressed, depression, dream, emotion, family, fear, friendship, health, help, human, job, jobs, management

Everyone has one, some love it and others hate it. A job is needed to earn money (obviously) but do you really want to spend alot of your life doing something you hate?

Iv’e gone through my school years never knowing what i wanted to do so i never went to University and ended up as a manager in retail just because it was offered to me. This is the job that really magnified my anxiety and depression. I never liked going into work and the money wasn’t worth the hours either. The worst part was the customers, you really see the worst in people, iv’e had things thrown at me and every insult you could think of. It really makes you hate people and lose faith in how people treat you.

I finally left that job and started one i enjoyed but still in retail and a manager. Customers were great, as i dealt with more trade people and they were all just so much more friendlier. But this time i started to lose my ambition because of who i worked with until finally i lost my job just before Christmas. I’m now jobless and have applied for many positions but still have been unsuccessful even with my experience.

It’s amazing how a job can control so many of your emotions and can make you feel trapped in a world of just work. Step back, open your eyes and see it’s just a job, you have family and friends, so enjoy those times more then anything.

The power of music

02 Monday Feb 2015

Posted by Scott Johnson in accident, anxiety, battle, crash, depression, family, fear, friends, friendship, health, health & wellness, health and wellness, help, music, songs, sound, tune

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accident, addiction, anxiety, crash, depressed, depression, emotion, family, fear, friend, health, music, pain, songs, sound, tune

Something that we cant really see or touch can have the biggest effect on our minds and even change our moods. Music can bring back memories that were once forgotten and not to mention how on earth do we remember all the lyrics but cant remember that one answer during a test that you studied hours for haha.

Music has a very deep power over people, the right choice of music can change a movie scene completely either making you feel deeply saddened or happy. If you hear that sound or song again you will remember that sad feeling you had and that scene will come back to you.

For example there is one time that i dont like to talk about it but ill bring it up because its a perfect example of how it can hurt you aswell. Quite a few years ago now i was involved in a large car crash with my family when a cement truck ran a stop sign, we hit it so hard that it tipped the truck over. Now because of music i remember every small detail and even smell from this accident. I was listening to one of my favourite bands’s new album (which now certain songs on that i cant listen to) My dad was driving and my little brother was in the front because he used to get car sick and me and mum were in the back, anyway all of a sudden we started braking hard BANG i was thrown forward then there was a black out moment as i opened my eyes it was dead quiet and no one was moving, there was smoke ( which was from the airbags) but i thought it was from a fire or something all the while one song was stuck on replay going over and over but it sounded so distant. This is the most painful part that i will never forget, i was so scared of either seeing my family injured or possibly dead that i ran out of the car in total fear leaving my family to die for all i knew. Luckily we all survived and mum got the worst injury with a fractured sternum and i just received some pretty bad whiplash.

So because of this song i can remember this accident so clearly and in such great detail and i have to live with that thought of me not helping my family when they could have been dead or badly injured and since then i swore to myself ill always put them and my friends safety before my own.

So thats music for you, it can be a curse but i couldn’t live without it, from the sad songs to the happy songs i love it all. So get out there and experience new tunes you never know you might find a new favourite.

Life is like a roller coaster?

30 Friday Jan 2015

Posted by Scott Johnson in addiction, alone, anxiety, battle, black, blue, depressed, depression, down, fear, health, health & wellness, health and wellness, help, illness, life, mental health, war

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addiction, alone, anxiety, battle, black, blue, dark, depressed, depression, emotion, health, hope, inspire, mental health, war, wellness

Everyone has heard the saying that life is like a roller coaster because of the ups and downs. But what does it feel like to have depression?

Well for me and I’m sure others will agree if we use the concept of ups and downs i always preferred feeling down,  it was comfortable but i didn’t think it could get any worse. When i was feeling up or something good was happening i was very sceptical and hated it because i knew something bad was coming to knock me back down again which just makes you feel worse so i would stay feeling low and never raise my expectations or get excited so i never had to feel any disappointment. Without fail if i was feeling good i would be struck down and i’d feel like there was no point as i wouldn’t feel happy for long so it was just easier to stay down and this feeling is so hard to break as it can appear at any time and i still struggle with it big time. It’s like a dark shadow or dark voice in your head that out of nowhere just reminds you why you should always feel down and brings back the memories and feelings just to knock you down further. I don’t know if this can ever be beaten, you just have to continue to fight it but i get tired and just let it consume me as its easier to feel down constantly and you suffer from no disappointments as well.

Everyone says its like a battle but i see it more like a war, you may lose some battles but stay strong because you haven’t lost the war.

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