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Unhappy uprise

~ find your way out of the darkness

Unhappy uprise

Category Archives: fear

The power of music

02 Monday Feb 2015

Posted by Scott Johnson in accident, anxiety, battle, crash, depression, family, fear, friends, friendship, health, health & wellness, health and wellness, help, music, songs, sound, tune

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accident, addiction, anxiety, crash, depressed, depression, emotion, family, fear, friend, health, music, pain, songs, sound, tune

Something that we cant really see or touch can have the biggest effect on our minds and even change our moods. Music can bring back memories that were once forgotten and not to mention how on earth do we remember all the lyrics but cant remember that one answer during a test that you studied hours for haha.

Music has a very deep power over people, the right choice of music can change a movie scene completely either making you feel deeply saddened or happy. If you hear that sound or song again you will remember that sad feeling you had and that scene will come back to you.

For example there is one time that i dont like to talk about it but ill bring it up because its a perfect example of how it can hurt you aswell. Quite a few years ago now i was involved in a large car crash with my family when a cement truck ran a stop sign, we hit it so hard that it tipped the truck over. Now because of music i remember every small detail and even smell from this accident. I was listening to one of my favourite bands’s new album (which now certain songs on that i cant listen to) My dad was driving and my little brother was in the front because he used to get car sick and me and mum were in the back, anyway all of a sudden we started braking hard BANG i was thrown forward then there was a black out moment as i opened my eyes it was dead quiet and no one was moving, there was smoke ( which was from the airbags) but i thought it was from a fire or something all the while one song was stuck on replay going over and over but it sounded so distant. This is the most painful part that i will never forget, i was so scared of either seeing my family injured or possibly dead that i ran out of the car in total fear leaving my family to die for all i knew. Luckily we all survived and mum got the worst injury with a fractured sternum and i just received some pretty bad whiplash.

So because of this song i can remember this accident so clearly and in such great detail and i have to live with that thought of me not helping my family when they could have been dead or badly injured and since then i swore to myself ill always put them and my friends safety before my own.

So thats music for you, it can be a curse but i couldn’t live without it, from the sad songs to the happy songs i love it all. So get out there and experience new tunes you never know you might find a new favourite.

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Life is like a roller coaster?

30 Friday Jan 2015

Posted by Scott Johnson in addiction, alone, anxiety, battle, black, blue, depressed, depression, down, fear, health, health & wellness, health and wellness, help, illness, life, mental health, war

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addiction, alone, anxiety, battle, black, blue, dark, depressed, depression, emotion, health, hope, inspire, mental health, war, wellness

Everyone has heard the saying that life is like a roller coaster because of the ups and downs. But what does it feel like to have depression?

Well for me and I’m sure others will agree if we use the concept of ups and downs i always preferred feeling down,  it was comfortable but i didn’t think it could get any worse. When i was feeling up or something good was happening i was very sceptical and hated it because i knew something bad was coming to knock me back down again which just makes you feel worse so i would stay feeling low and never raise my expectations or get excited so i never had to feel any disappointment. Without fail if i was feeling good i would be struck down and i’d feel like there was no point as i wouldn’t feel happy for long so it was just easier to stay down and this feeling is so hard to break as it can appear at any time and i still struggle with it big time. It’s like a dark shadow or dark voice in your head that out of nowhere just reminds you why you should always feel down and brings back the memories and feelings just to knock you down further. I don’t know if this can ever be beaten, you just have to continue to fight it but i get tired and just let it consume me as its easier to feel down constantly and you suffer from no disappointments as well.

Everyone says its like a battle but i see it more like a war, you may lose some battles but stay strong because you haven’t lost the war.

Are relapses ok?

20 Tuesday Jan 2015

Posted by Scott Johnson in addiction, alcohol, alone, anxiety, blue, depressed, depression, down, drugs, fear, health, health & wellness, health and wellness, mental health, relapse, xanax

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addiction, alcohol, alone, anxiety, blue, depressed, depression, drug, emotion, faults, health, human, life, relapse, xanax

First off i don’t have an answer for this you can make up your own minds. I am human after all i have gone back to my old ways several times but just recently the feeling was too strong to resist, My mind wanted it and my body needed it. I think losing my job and getting rejection letters for other jobs iv’e applied for is actually getting to me, i grabbed the bottle of rum and washed down several pills, i felt nothing for a while and was a bit disappointed but there it was the feeling of complete relaxation and the slowed down thoughts of not caring about anything, oh how i had missed it, i slept in such a deep sleep you could have punched me and i wouldn’t have woken up. The following day i still had the effects and was pretty much comatose.

Its always there, that voice saying to just do it, it feels great i have nothing to lose. Most of the time i can ignore it and move on but my will is not always strong and i cave in to the voice. Strong on the outside but weak on the inside is how i felt. Right now im balancing on a ledge looking down into a dark deep hole and inside that hole is a voice saying “come on in everything will be fine” What’s holding me back from jumping in? im not sure but iv’e been dipping my feet in and living on the edge of this hole, its very easy to lose your balance so how long can i balance for?

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