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Unhappy uprise

~ find your way out of the darkness

Unhappy uprise

Category Archives: health

Just a rough poem/lyrics i put together, hope you enjoy it.

15 Sunday Feb 2015

Posted by Scott Johnson in addiction, alcohol, alone, anxiety, depressed, depression, emotion, feelings, health, health & wellness, health and wellness, lyrics, mental health, poem, poetry, songs

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addiction, alone, anxiety, battle, depression, emotion, fear, feelings, health, lyrics, mental health, poem, poetry, songs

I’m trapped, slipping down the hole, no way out for me, I wish I had control but its already written down you see. My fate, seems unclear from here, give me some guidance, give me the wheel to steer. My vision is all blurred my senses see just fear, still falling down the hole can someone get me out of here.

still falling down the hole please just rescue me

still falling down the hole feeling nothing but just fear

I dont care who you are just help me on my feet.

These wounds will never heal, they’re deeper then my soul, just get me away from here. I’m reaching out for help and all I see is beer……………. drinking beers  ,gimme  pills, I need to fill this hole give me more more more  alcohol, fuck these feelings I need to numb it, this shit works but ive over done it, laying here not knowing where I am a years gone by but then…….

I’m still falling down the hole please just rescue me

still falling down the hole feeling nothing but just fear

I dont care who you are just help me on my feet.

From out of no where I suddenly stop to fall. have I been caught, or is it just another stall. My senses are coming back, are you really helping me? I feel you are my light breaking me free. I’m filled with hope, I know I can go on, im stronger now, but I couldn’t do it alone.

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The power of music

02 Monday Feb 2015

Posted by Scott Johnson in accident, anxiety, battle, crash, depression, family, fear, friends, friendship, health, health & wellness, health and wellness, help, music, songs, sound, tune

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accident, addiction, anxiety, crash, depressed, depression, emotion, family, fear, friend, health, music, pain, songs, sound, tune

Something that we cant really see or touch can have the biggest effect on our minds and even change our moods. Music can bring back memories that were once forgotten and not to mention how on earth do we remember all the lyrics but cant remember that one answer during a test that you studied hours for haha.

Music has a very deep power over people, the right choice of music can change a movie scene completely either making you feel deeply saddened or happy. If you hear that sound or song again you will remember that sad feeling you had and that scene will come back to you.

For example there is one time that i dont like to talk about it but ill bring it up because its a perfect example of how it can hurt you aswell. Quite a few years ago now i was involved in a large car crash with my family when a cement truck ran a stop sign, we hit it so hard that it tipped the truck over. Now because of music i remember every small detail and even smell from this accident. I was listening to one of my favourite bands’s new album (which now certain songs on that i cant listen to) My dad was driving and my little brother was in the front because he used to get car sick and me and mum were in the back, anyway all of a sudden we started braking hard BANG i was thrown forward then there was a black out moment as i opened my eyes it was dead quiet and no one was moving, there was smoke ( which was from the airbags) but i thought it was from a fire or something all the while one song was stuck on replay going over and over but it sounded so distant. This is the most painful part that i will never forget, i was so scared of either seeing my family injured or possibly dead that i ran out of the car in total fear leaving my family to die for all i knew. Luckily we all survived and mum got the worst injury with a fractured sternum and i just received some pretty bad whiplash.

So because of this song i can remember this accident so clearly and in such great detail and i have to live with that thought of me not helping my family when they could have been dead or badly injured and since then i swore to myself ill always put them and my friends safety before my own.

So thats music for you, it can be a curse but i couldn’t live without it, from the sad songs to the happy songs i love it all. So get out there and experience new tunes you never know you might find a new favourite.

Life is like a roller coaster?

30 Friday Jan 2015

Posted by Scott Johnson in addiction, alone, anxiety, battle, black, blue, depressed, depression, down, fear, health, health & wellness, health and wellness, help, illness, life, mental health, war

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addiction, alone, anxiety, battle, black, blue, dark, depressed, depression, emotion, health, hope, inspire, mental health, war, wellness

Everyone has heard the saying that life is like a roller coaster because of the ups and downs. But what does it feel like to have depression?

Well for me and I’m sure others will agree if we use the concept of ups and downs i always preferred feeling down,  it was comfortable but i didn’t think it could get any worse. When i was feeling up or something good was happening i was very sceptical and hated it because i knew something bad was coming to knock me back down again which just makes you feel worse so i would stay feeling low and never raise my expectations or get excited so i never had to feel any disappointment. Without fail if i was feeling good i would be struck down and i’d feel like there was no point as i wouldn’t feel happy for long so it was just easier to stay down and this feeling is so hard to break as it can appear at any time and i still struggle with it big time. It’s like a dark shadow or dark voice in your head that out of nowhere just reminds you why you should always feel down and brings back the memories and feelings just to knock you down further. I don’t know if this can ever be beaten, you just have to continue to fight it but i get tired and just let it consume me as its easier to feel down constantly and you suffer from no disappointments as well.

Everyone says its like a battle but i see it more like a war, you may lose some battles but stay strong because you haven’t lost the war.

Do dreams really come true?

24 Saturday Jan 2015

Posted by Scott Johnson in alone, anxiety, brain, deja vu, depressed, depression, down, dream, dreams, health, health & wellness, health and wellness, illness, life

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alone, ambition, anxiety, depressed, depression, dream, dreams, emotion, faults, goals, help, hope, human, psychic

I dont know if you are like me but i day dream alot and i get really caught up in it that actually brings out emotion. Its really odd, if i thought about it for a bit i’d know there is no way it would come true but i get so caught up in it that i believe there is a chance which then changes to almost a certainty and it increases my hopes. This then just leads to a sudden drop when i realise it wont ever happen and it feels horrible its like im just torturing myself for no reason. Most people may set realistic dreams and they achieve them but mine must be way beyond that, when i hear people say work hard and you will achieve your dreams, how can this be possible? not everyone can get there dreams the world doesn’t work like that, you may achieve several goals but dreams are meant to be big like being a race car driver or an actor/actress with this in mind i still daydream and get caught up in it, and believe it will happen again and again, torture.

Another small mention to actual dreams you have when you sleep, this will sound weird but on several occasions iv’e had deja vu moments where i could be in a scenario and something clicks in my head or like a brain shudder and i remember a dream of the exact moment im in and i can almost predict what will happen. Its never been anything big its usually a place or just a comment and it doesn’t occur very often but its definitely an odd feeling.

Are relapses ok?

20 Tuesday Jan 2015

Posted by Scott Johnson in addiction, alcohol, alone, anxiety, blue, depressed, depression, down, drugs, fear, health, health & wellness, health and wellness, mental health, relapse, xanax

≈ 9 Comments

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addiction, alcohol, alone, anxiety, blue, depressed, depression, drug, emotion, faults, health, human, life, relapse, xanax

First off i don’t have an answer for this you can make up your own minds. I am human after all i have gone back to my old ways several times but just recently the feeling was too strong to resist, My mind wanted it and my body needed it. I think losing my job and getting rejection letters for other jobs iv’e applied for is actually getting to me, i grabbed the bottle of rum and washed down several pills, i felt nothing for a while and was a bit disappointed but there it was the feeling of complete relaxation and the slowed down thoughts of not caring about anything, oh how i had missed it, i slept in such a deep sleep you could have punched me and i wouldn’t have woken up. The following day i still had the effects and was pretty much comatose.

Its always there, that voice saying to just do it, it feels great i have nothing to lose. Most of the time i can ignore it and move on but my will is not always strong and i cave in to the voice. Strong on the outside but weak on the inside is how i felt. Right now im balancing on a ledge looking down into a dark deep hole and inside that hole is a voice saying “come on in everything will be fine” What’s holding me back from jumping in? im not sure but iv’e been dipping my feet in and living on the edge of this hole, its very easy to lose your balance so how long can i balance for?

What drives you?

10 Saturday Jan 2015

Posted by Scott Johnson in depression, doctor, down, dream, dreams, drive, family, fitness, friends, friendship, health, health & wellness, health and wellness, help, hobbies, hobby, inspiration, inspire, life, life goals, mental health, support

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ambition, depression, dream, dreams, drive, emotion, family, fitness, friend, friendship, goals, health, help, hobbies, hobby, hope, inspire, life, life goals, mental health, ponder, support, wellness

Most people have it whether its a long term ambition or just looking forward to the end of the day. I’m talking about what pushes you or drives you forward, it could be as simple as a new game you want to play or majority of the people…….. the weekend!!

These are small things that i’m sure you don’t even think about, they are just normal feelings of looking forward to something or enjoying your hobbies. Now try thinking of nothing, you have lost interest in things you like and there is nothing to look forward to not even in the short term. This is what a small part of depression feels like, you are stuck in limbo you don’t even care about the weekend you don’t even care what day it is because its just all the same. You lose interest in all the hobbies you once loved and you cant see why you even liked them in the first place. This becomes a very dangerous state of mind as you shut everyone and everything out, you have pretty much shut your mind off and all that’s left is negatives. This stage can get worse with some people as they don’t feel anything and so shut off that they self inflict injuries (if you see or if you are doing this seek help immediately there is plenty of places and the best place to start is your local GP)

That’s a small insight into depression so make the most of the fun times or hobbies you love, we all know the saying ‘stop and smell the roses’ so focus on the good things and your hobbies, or something you are looking forward to sometime in the future, you will be surprised to see you have alot you never really considered or gave much thought to.

What can i do if my friend is suffering from anxiety and depression?

03 Saturday Jan 2015

Posted by Scott Johnson in family, fitness, friends, friendship, health, health and wellness, help, mental health, support

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anxiety, depression, emotion, family, fitness, friend, friendship, health, help, mental health, support, wellness

Not only is this horrible for the person going through anxiety and depression but it also puts a strain on friendship because you feel so helpless.

Well ill list a few things you can do as a friend or a family member. First off still invite them out, they will say no alot but just asking makes them feel that they are still apart of the group and not left out. Next is listen, just listen to what they have to say it might not be about what they are going through but just a good conversation is brilliant.

The topic isnt taboo, you can talk about it with them and ask how they are going and things like that, its not a sensitive topic, you dont have to tip toe around it. Another one is a bit more specific with panic attacks, if you are with someone and they are having a panic attack just comfort them and sit down with them, make sure they are taking big deep breaths and just keep talking, this method has worked on me numerous of times.

One big one is be vigilant, if they seem to be changing in anyway with there personality and lose interest in things they used to love just try and gently push them to get some help or talk about it with their family members so they are aware aswell to help them out. You will find plenty of info on http://www.beyondblue.org.au

From someone still going through this just talk to us normally, you dont have to be careful what you say, but please be a true friend and be there and listen when we need you the most.

Hope this helps some people, the next part to my ongoing story should be up in the next couple of days 🙂

New year New you?

01 Thursday Jan 2015

Posted by Scott Johnson in fitness, health, health and wellness, life goals, mental health, new year, resolution

≈ 7 Comments

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anxiety, depression, fitness, goals, health, help, life goals, mental health, new year, resolution

So its a new year which means everyone has a new years resolution that majority break within a week or two. So why do so many of them fail? it all comes down to the way you set your goals, Most common goals are i want to exercise more or lose weight and save money. Yes these are good goals but unfortunately near impossible to achieve, why? you may ask, well because they are too broad and you have given yourself a whole year to achieve this which means you put it off and put it off until you realise its new years eve again.

The best method to achieve your goals is to cut them down into smaller goals and set timeframes. lets say you want to lose weight this year, so lets cut that down to smaller goals, goal 1: sign up to a gym in the first week. Goal 2: exercise 2 to 3 times a week, find a friend or a PT to help motivate you to go. Goal 3: to lose 5kg in one month. By making smaller achievable goals throughout the year it will keep you on track and show results throughout the year to your main overall goal. Your mind will see the smaller goals as achievable then setting one over a whole year, we are very busy and the world is fast paced these days so its hard to concentrate on something when you aren’t really keeping track or seeing results.

You can also use this method for anxiety, for instance this year id like to have more control over myself and have less panic attacks. So i set this goal and then break it down, I find my triggers and then break them down into achievements, for example large crowds can trigger my anxiety so in one month id like to go to 2 crowded places with friends and when i achieve this i will reward myself, this could be anything from new shoes to a new game. Your mind reacts to  the rewards you earned for doing two things you aren’t comfortable with and in time your mind will adapt and see your anxiety triggers as something different.

Make sure this is all written down and when you do achieve a goal write it and cross it off and also write down what you rewarded yourself with. A good friend of mine told me to set up a jar or something and throughout the year when you do something good or something good happens write it down and date it with your name and put it in that jar, by the end of the year you will have a jar full of great milestones you had achieved and probably forgot about and if you’re living with someone they can have theirs in there too.

So remember, set yourself realistic goals throughout the year and reward yourself along the way, before you know it you will have accomplished your major goal for the new year.

Expressed Feelings

28 Sunday Dec 2014

Posted by Scott Johnson in health, health & wellness, health and wellness, mental health, poem, poetry

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anxiety, depression, drugs, health, help, mental health, poem, poetry, wellness

Hi everyone, this is a couple of expressed feelings i had written down during those bad times, im sure alot of you could relate to this….

trapped in a sea of despair

holding onto hope like a raft.

waiting, dreaming for the rescue.

a light comes closer like a warm glow of happiness,

alas your aches are replaced with cheer,

you see your future bright and clear,

it feels like it will last forever but nothing will, never ever.

that light you once saw that filled you with warmth

was nothing but hope empty and cold.

my mind is together but my heart is torn

this feeling is torture, why was i born?

the sense of alone and being left behind just like that sea i float. Empty. Unkind.

One More……

stuck in a hole with no way out.

All i can see is a spot of light

it can never be reached

it just stays there above me not giving hope

Seeing something i want but will never have.

the walls close in but never crush

not much air but enough to live.

nothing but torture created by evil but this evil has a name and the name is you.

Thanks for reading, ill have my next part to my journey up hopefully tomorrow.

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