Friends Important?

05 Sunday Apr 2015

Posted by in feelings, friend, friends, friendship, happy, hope

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How important is friendship? And not just friends that you talk to i mean the deep meaningful friendship where you know they will be there for you no matter what.

Here is my story about an incident not long ago that really changed my thinking.

To have a best friend is great but to not hear from one in so long it makes you think are they still thinking about you like you are of them? or is it just another end to a great friendship.

I had a private number call me and i missed the call but a voice to text message was left and just from what it said i had a feeling who it was, then i could hear the voice message and i was almost positive i knew who it was. I did some tracking due to certain incidents so i couldn’t contact them very easily. I was able to contact them and i asked the question and guess what, i was right. To be re-connected with such a friend felt so good that words cannot describe it.

We began talking and that’s when i really found out they thought about me all the time also and hadn’t forgotten or moved on. The feeling of knowing someone else cares about you as much as you do them is true happiness. For this person i would do anything for them and that’s why i kept my distance out of respect (i won’t go into details on this) It was painful to do but i felt it was the right thing to do at the time and it was all my fault and to hear them apoligise to me threw me back and really made me realise what a true friend really is. I do hope one day in the future things will change and we can go back to normal but in the time being im filled with hope and so much happiness knowing they are there thinking of me as much as i do for them.

I feel friends in a way are more important then family, as they say you cant choose your family but you can with friends. Make the most of it, make true friends 🙂

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very recent dream that may have a meaning

30 Monday Mar 2015

Posted by in alone, anxiety, depressed, depression, dream, dreaming, dreams, help, meaning

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I was under a veranda or some shelter at the beginning of the dream. It got dark and began to rain very heavily, hail stones began to fall, people were running for cover. The hailstones got larger and larger but no one was getting hit, it soon stopped and as i looked out i could see a dark forest. The clouds began to separate,the sun came out but the forest stayed dark and then beyond the forest standing tall in the sunlight was a huge mountain. Something that was once shrouded in dark clouds is now visible. The sun was shining on it showing the most amazing waterfalls running off of it. It was so big i’m amazed the clouds hid it so well. I reached for my phone to take a picture but the clouds came back covering it and all was left was a dark forest and the outline of a shadowed mountain that came to life for just a minute before being covered by the darkness again.

I truly wish i could draw what i saw but my artistic skill are very  much below par. I can remember it so clearly but i don’t know if it has any meaning or not.

The dating scene – Women’s edition

29 Sunday Mar 2015

Posted by in date, dates, dating, girl, girls, popular, relationship, women

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I could make this short and sweet.

Life isn’t a popularity contest. And that’s it.

But i will add a bit more. Do you want to find the right one that you trust and want to spend your life with? or do you just want to get heaps of likes or friend requests to just be popular on the internet and draw in the wrong crowd. Do you want to be respected? or just to be a man’s trophy win?

Every woman has super sharp instincts, use them. Deep down you know who is good and who isn’t trustworthy. You cannot change a guy no matter how much you keep telling yourself you can. Listen to your inner thoughts, go with your gut feeling as i said you know the answer deep down about a guy but sometimes you just refuse to listen to it and push it at the back of your mind.

In saying that not all women are like this of course and same goes for my other one i made about men so if it doesn’t sound like you then don’t take it to heart this isn’t aimed at anyone specifically.

The dating scene- Men edition

22 Sunday Mar 2015

Posted by in arrogant, date, dating, gentleman, gentlemen, men, relationship, respect, sex, technology, women

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I thought i would talk about dating, I’m going to talk about both sides but i will start with men as it’s the easiest for me haha and after some interviews ill discuss the women’s side.

For starters guys are mostly arrogant and will say anything to just get sex. Majority of this is between the ages of teen years to mid 20’s. I’m going to payout on guys because most of them are shocking these days.

In what case does a woman want a picture of your dick instead of a hello how are you? do you really think she all of a sudden is turned on and wants you because you have a penis? congratulations you have something every guy has.

Iv’e been guilty of this but i don’t do it any more and nor did i do it every week, and that’s topless pics of yourself all the time. Good on you for going to the gym and keeping fit and there is nothing wrong with putting up some progress pics now and again but when you start taking them all the time and that’s your main picture or what you send to a woman first then you have problems.

Technology is great but it has ruined dating and just talking to the opposite sex in general. You can now just hide behind a computer or phone and say whatever you like with no remorse or guilt, Not even caring about their feelings at all.

Not all guys are bad of course and for the nice ones all it does is make them look bad as women lose the trust and just think they are after one thing and no matter what they say they won’t believe them. It becomes a vicious cycle for both parties.

I’ll end it on this note, I was only after sex when i was younger and i was arrogant too. But for me it was just a phase that i regret but in saying that i have respect for women and hope to one day find the right one, but i swore to myself along this journey i will always be honest as i’m after more then just sex i want a best friend.

Missing something?

19 Thursday Mar 2015

Posted by in alone, anxiety, battle, beliefs, depressed, depression, empty, friends, friendship, humanity, lost, missed, missing, people, relationship

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That feeling as if you’re missing something. You see other people that must have it but you don’t. Other people are in relationships or have very close friends but all you get is people blocking you and ignoring you. What am i doing wrong? should i be sending dick pics instead of trying to start a conversation? am i really that ugly? what is it? all i can figure out is that i don’t have it. Whatever it is i want it more then money. I don’t want to try and have everyone like me because i know not everyone can like you, that’s just ridiculous. But to have some that have no hidden agendas and would do anything for you like you would for them, is that too much to ask for? is trust non existent? Is everyone too self centred? don’t people think of other people any more? Whatever it is that I’m missing I want it!!

Anger

16 Monday Mar 2015

Posted by in addiction, alone, anger, angry, anxiety, blue, depressed, depression, emotion, emotions, hatred

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The one emotion i haven’t talked about and its something everyone gets, some worse than others. My anger wasn’t normal, i feel as though it was to do with my anxieties and depression that would set it off and make it worse. I would lose it over such little things and then instant regret straight after.

Most people have something called the fight or flight response. This triggers when you are in danger and you will either fight or flee. Mine would occur over anything resulting in anxiety attacks over anything but then in real dangers i didn’t care i’d stay and fight. I had no issues with being inflicted with any kinds of injuries in fact i would have welcomed it. This turned into just being in an angry lifeless mood all the time, just reading something would anger me even though there is nothing i could do i couldn’t shake this anger. Even seeing people just being rude would set me off, all i could think about was bashing them up no matter if it was a gang or someone ten times bigger then me.

It’s not healthy to just find the small things that make you angry, you have to find the positives, even when you think there isn’t any, trust me there is you just got to look harder weather it’s within yourself or somewhere different just don’t stop looking you will find it.

High Hopes Poem

11 Wednesday Mar 2015

Posted by in alone, anxiety, career, depressed, depression, down, dreams, hopes, job, story

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The world is crumbling or is it just me?

It’s falling apart or is it that i can’t see?

Hopes and dreams are nothing but pain

who am I? what was my name?

Don’t contribute to that false hope

it will only show pain that you can’t cope.

Wishing and wanting are two separate things

one you can get the other’s just dreams.

Don’t set high hopes feeling wonderful and free

It’s a long way down, drowned in the bottom of the sea.

Just feeling a bit shattered again about a job opportunity that I was feeling so good about and couldn’t feel any better but I didn’t get the job and it’s a horrible feeling so I thought I’d share

Money, isn’t it wonderful?

03 Tuesday Mar 2015

Posted by in addiction, battle, beliefs, black, cash, change, dark, friends, friendship, future, gains, hope, money, moral, morals, obsession, poison, profit, rich

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Money, we all need it, it’s a bit of paper with numbers on it displaying an amount or little metal pieces.

What would you do to get money?  live in misery to be rich? destroy other humans lives to become wealthy? all these have been done on numerous occasions. Money is even stronger than someones beliefs. A cardinal in Vatican city in control of the money for the poor used it for himself to build a new kitchen and travel business class everywhere. It’s amazing how money can change people so much to even go against their own beliefs and morals. To destroy other peoples lives so you can make a bigger profit, Money is a poison but its a poison we need, Just stay true to yourself and follow your moral compass, we were not meant to hurt or destroy other people. Why sell your soul and surround yourself with fakes instead of friends. Just don’t forget who you are and what’s your beliefs but most importantly don’t forget who you were.

Facts to ponder………

20 Friday Feb 2015

Posted by in atoms, cells, change, different, facts, humans, people, ponder, scientist, space, universe

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I love learning things so im going to dive into some interesting stuff about people and the universe.

If you look at a picture of you a few years ago you might say ‘wow i haven’t changed at all’ but actually you are different, completely different. When broken down we are just a bunch of cells which is then broken down to atoms. Atoms make up everything including the universe but let me jump back to your body. Yours cells are constantly dying and new ones taking its place, some of them you see which is hair and some are a-lot smaller like skin. you’re constantly a new person with the same mind.

Now let me go back to the universe. We all know its huge and forever expanding and its made up of atoms. Just for a minute lets imagine the universe is a large pile of coal rocks, all made of atoms and all looking different, truth is you will find some rocks identical because of the size of this large pile of coal. Now when you look at people who are made up of atoms in a certain way and you look at how large the universe is there is a large probability that somewhere out there is an identical copy of you, in fact there could be several. You will most likely never meet them as there’s no end to the universe but it is amazing to think that somewhere in the universe several you’s are living. Believe it or not but these facts are backed up by professionals and scientists not just me being a crazy person haha.

Just a rough poem/lyrics i put together, hope you enjoy it.

15 Sunday Feb 2015

Posted by in addiction, alcohol, alone, anxiety, depressed, depression, emotion, feelings, health, health & wellness, health and wellness, lyrics, mental health, poem, poetry, songs

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I’m trapped, slipping down the hole, no way out for me, I wish I had control but its already written down you see. My fate, seems unclear from here, give me some guidance, give me the wheel to steer. My vision is all blurred my senses see just fear, still falling down the hole can someone get me out of here.

still falling down the hole please just rescue me

still falling down the hole feeling nothing but just fear

I dont care who you are just help me on my feet.

These wounds will never heal, they’re deeper then my soul, just get me away from here. I’m reaching out for help and all I see is beer……………. drinking beers  ,gimme  pills, I need to fill this hole give me more more more  alcohol, fuck these feelings I need to numb it, this shit works but ive over done it, laying here not knowing where I am a years gone by but then…….

I’m still falling down the hole please just rescue me

still falling down the hole feeling nothing but just fear

I dont care who you are just help me on my feet.

From out of no where I suddenly stop to fall. have I been caught, or is it just another stall. My senses are coming back, are you really helping me? I feel you are my light breaking me free. I’m filled with hope, I know I can go on, im stronger now, but I couldn’t do it alone.