Tag Archives: dark

Don’t end it all

23 Thursday Apr 2015

Posted by in alone, blue, death, depressed, depression, drugs, family, friends, help, sad, story, suicide

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

I’m sure from the title you know what I’m talking about, Some say its the easy way out or they are being selfish. To get to a point in your mind where you think everyone around you would be better off without you not around or that you don’t deserve to live. All of this is not true of course but let me tell you a story:

A few years back i was coming into work early in the morning, it was partly cloudy with the sun peaking through as it was rising from the horizon, it was very warm with a mildly warm breeze. Now where i park is just a normal car park for anyone  but its right next to our work and also the door for us to come in and out of when the shop is closed.

As i pulled up there was a car already there facing outwards with a sunshade up, didn’t think much of it, the window was down slightly on the drivers side and a man was in there which looked like he was sleeping, again i wasn’t suspicious as he had fluro work gear on and it just looked like he was taking a nap before the other guys got there to start work. I could see his stomach going up and down and now and again id see a bit of movement so i thought he is fine.

Couple hours has passed and even with us banging the door closed while we were letting other staff in before we opened he didn’t wake up. Before i knew it security was around there and on the phone to the paramedics, security had been yelling and shaking him to wake up but no response. When paramedics and police got there they pulled him out of the car and lay him on the ground in-between mine and his car ( there was a large gap because he hadn’t parked in the spot properly and was taking up 2 spots) They put up a cover around him so no one else could see ( we were parked up against the wall of our building so they only put it up to cover the road and other parks) They began working on him but to no avail. His lifeless body laid there on the ground for an hour or more as they were  waiting for someone to come and collect his body ( I can’t remember exactly who)

Later on the police came in to tell us that he had left a note in the car saying that he was taking his own life. He had left behind a wife and 2 kids, It was a suicide by tablet overdose of some kind. They said even when we saw him most likely he was already beyond being saved and the movements we saw was his body shutting down, But it still makes me think what if i did just try and wake the guy up and then i would have noticed something was wrong and maybe paramedics could have saved him and his wife would still have a husband and his kids would still have a dad. But the only image I’m left with is a man sprawled out on the ground completely lifeless and bubbling from the mouth.

Suicide is never the answer it doesn’t just effect family and friends but also to the ones who witnessed it and also the emergency services. Please talk to someone.

Advertisements

Money, isn’t it wonderful?

03 Tuesday Mar 2015

Posted by in addiction, battle, beliefs, black, cash, change, dark, friends, friendship, future, gains, hope, money, moral, morals, obsession, poison, profit, rich

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Money, we all need it, it’s a bit of paper with numbers on it displaying an amount or little metal pieces.

What would you do to get money?  live in misery to be rich? destroy other humans lives to become wealthy? all these have been done on numerous occasions. Money is even stronger than someones beliefs. A cardinal in Vatican city in control of the money for the poor used it for himself to build a new kitchen and travel business class everywhere. It’s amazing how money can change people so much to even go against their own beliefs and morals. To destroy other peoples lives so you can make a bigger profit, Money is a poison but its a poison we need, Just stay true to yourself and follow your moral compass, we were not meant to hurt or destroy other people. Why sell your soul and surround yourself with fakes instead of friends. Just don’t forget who you are and what’s your beliefs but most importantly don’t forget who you were.

The workforce, Good and the bad!

09 Monday Feb 2015

Posted by in addiction, alone, anxiety, battle, black, blue, career, depressed, depression, down, dream, family, friends, friendship, health & wellness, health and wellness, help, inspiration, job, jobs, life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Everyone has one, some love it and others hate it. A job is needed to earn money (obviously) but do you really want to spend alot of your life doing something you hate?

Iv’e gone through my school years never knowing what i wanted to do so i never went to University and ended up as a manager in retail just because it was offered to me. This is the job that really magnified my anxiety and depression. I never liked going into work and the money wasn’t worth the hours either. The worst part was the customers, you really see the worst in people, iv’e had things thrown at me and every insult you could think of. It really makes you hate people and lose faith in how people treat you.

I finally left that job and started one i enjoyed but still in retail and a manager. Customers were great, as i dealt with more trade people and they were all just so much more friendlier. But this time i started to lose my ambition because of who i worked with until finally i lost my job just before Christmas. I’m now jobless and have applied for many positions but still have been unsuccessful even with my experience.

It’s amazing how a job can control so many of your emotions and can make you feel trapped in a world of just work. Step back, open your eyes and see it’s just a job, you have family and friends, so enjoy those times more then anything.

Life is like a roller coaster?

30 Friday Jan 2015

Posted by in addiction, alone, anxiety, battle, black, blue, depressed, depression, down, fear, health, health & wellness, health and wellness, help, illness, life, mental health, war

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Everyone has heard the saying that life is like a roller coaster because of the ups and downs. But what does it feel like to have depression?

Well for me and I’m sure others will agree if we use the concept of ups and downs i always preferred feeling down,  it was comfortable but i didn’t think it could get any worse. When i was feeling up or something good was happening i was very sceptical and hated it because i knew something bad was coming to knock me back down again which just makes you feel worse so i would stay feeling low and never raise my expectations or get excited so i never had to feel any disappointment. Without fail if i was feeling good i would be struck down and i’d feel like there was no point as i wouldn’t feel happy for long so it was just easier to stay down and this feeling is so hard to break as it can appear at any time and i still struggle with it big time. It’s like a dark shadow or dark voice in your head that out of nowhere just reminds you why you should always feel down and brings back the memories and feelings just to knock you down further. I don’t know if this can ever be beaten, you just have to continue to fight it but i get tired and just let it consume me as its easier to feel down constantly and you suffer from no disappointments as well.

Everyone says its like a battle but i see it more like a war, you may lose some battles but stay strong because you haven’t lost the war.