Tag Archives: family

ON THE RIGHT PATH

27 Saturday Feb 2016

Posted by in career, study, Uncategorized, university

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Hello all, I do realise it has been a long time since my last post but at least I have positives to talk about.

I lost my job again and seriously doubted can I do this for the rest of my life, I tried to think of things that I liked doing with my job and one thing came up, teaching/helping employees. I’m not a very patient guy but when it comes to teaching someone I have an unlimited amount and never get angry and to see someone actually learn something of importance was an awesome feeling. With support from my family and friends I applied for university to obtain a bachelors degree in education.

When I received an e-mail saying congratulations as they have accepted me I was shocked, I didn’t think I would get in but here I was thinking I’m too old to change careers now about to jump back into school and start again.

I haven’t officially started yet but I have gone for orientation and I’m really happy I took this step, I had worries at first (mainly financial stuff) but the government does help a bit and I’ll get a casual job in the meantime to cover other costs. I will write more as I go through Uni life as a mature aged student and give an insight to others that might be thinking the same thing.

My quick advice for now would be it’s never too late to change career and aim for something you enjoy doing, don’t stay unhappy in a job you don’t like not only will it bring you down but it hurts everyone else around you too.

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The passing of a loved one.

23 Thursday Jul 2015

Posted by in family, funeral, love, parents, sad, sadness, sorrow, spiritual, strong

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The loss of a family member is hard and is even worse when it’s so unexpected. I lost my grandmother on my mothers side and to see your mum cry and break down is the most painful thing to see in your life. I wanted to see her for the last time and unfortunately she had been gone for a few hours so when I saw her she was all white with no colour in her face at all. To me it wasn’t her, I don’t know what I was looking at but it wasn’t her or who I remembered which to me was a relief because I didn’t want all the good times and memories to be hindered by her last moment. I didn’t cry that day even though others did I didn’t know what to think really, mainly I was just blocking it out of my mind. Then came the funeral, I was strong through most of it until a song and a montage of her and to top it off seeing your mum break down i couldn’t hold it back anymore, my lips were bleeding from me biting down on them so hard. I tried to stay strong for everyone but it was inevitable. It was a beautiful send off for someone so fantastic with such a great personality and kindness.

To me physically she is gone but she is still around, I know alot of people don’t believe it but i know somehow she is still there.

Don’t end it all

23 Thursday Apr 2015

Posted by in alone, blue, death, depressed, depression, drugs, family, friends, help, sad, story, suicide

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I’m sure from the title you know what I’m talking about, Some say its the easy way out or they are being selfish. To get to a point in your mind where you think everyone around you would be better off without you not around or that you don’t deserve to live. All of this is not true of course but let me tell you a story:

A few years back i was coming into work early in the morning, it was partly cloudy with the sun peaking through as it was rising from the horizon, it was very warm with a mildly warm breeze. Now where i park is just a normal car park for anyone  but its right next to our work and also the door for us to come in and out of when the shop is closed.

As i pulled up there was a car already there facing outwards with a sunshade up, didn’t think much of it, the window was down slightly on the drivers side and a man was in there which looked like he was sleeping, again i wasn’t suspicious as he had fluro work gear on and it just looked like he was taking a nap before the other guys got there to start work. I could see his stomach going up and down and now and again id see a bit of movement so i thought he is fine.

Couple hours has passed and even with us banging the door closed while we were letting other staff in before we opened he didn’t wake up. Before i knew it security was around there and on the phone to the paramedics, security had been yelling and shaking him to wake up but no response. When paramedics and police got there they pulled him out of the car and lay him on the ground in-between mine and his car ( there was a large gap because he hadn’t parked in the spot properly and was taking up 2 spots) They put up a cover around him so no one else could see ( we were parked up against the wall of our building so they only put it up to cover the road and other parks) They began working on him but to no avail. His lifeless body laid there on the ground for an hour or more as they were  waiting for someone to come and collect his body ( I can’t remember exactly who)

Later on the police came in to tell us that he had left a note in the car saying that he was taking his own life. He had left behind a wife and 2 kids, It was a suicide by tablet overdose of some kind. They said even when we saw him most likely he was already beyond being saved and the movements we saw was his body shutting down, But it still makes me think what if i did just try and wake the guy up and then i would have noticed something was wrong and maybe paramedics could have saved him and his wife would still have a husband and his kids would still have a dad. But the only image I’m left with is a man sprawled out on the ground completely lifeless and bubbling from the mouth.

Suicide is never the answer it doesn’t just effect family and friends but also to the ones who witnessed it and also the emergency services. Please talk to someone.

The workforce, Good and the bad!

09 Monday Feb 2015

Posted by in addiction, alone, anxiety, battle, black, blue, career, depressed, depression, down, dream, family, friends, friendship, health & wellness, health and wellness, help, inspiration, job, jobs, life

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Everyone has one, some love it and others hate it. A job is needed to earn money (obviously) but do you really want to spend alot of your life doing something you hate?

Iv’e gone through my school years never knowing what i wanted to do so i never went to University and ended up as a manager in retail just because it was offered to me. This is the job that really magnified my anxiety and depression. I never liked going into work and the money wasn’t worth the hours either. The worst part was the customers, you really see the worst in people, iv’e had things thrown at me and every insult you could think of. It really makes you hate people and lose faith in how people treat you.

I finally left that job and started one i enjoyed but still in retail and a manager. Customers were great, as i dealt with more trade people and they were all just so much more friendlier. But this time i started to lose my ambition because of who i worked with until finally i lost my job just before Christmas. I’m now jobless and have applied for many positions but still have been unsuccessful even with my experience.

It’s amazing how a job can control so many of your emotions and can make you feel trapped in a world of just work. Step back, open your eyes and see it’s just a job, you have family and friends, so enjoy those times more then anything.

The power of music

02 Monday Feb 2015

Posted by in accident, anxiety, battle, crash, depression, family, fear, friends, friendship, health, health & wellness, health and wellness, help, music, songs, sound, tune

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Something that we cant really see or touch can have the biggest effect on our minds and even change our moods. Music can bring back memories that were once forgotten and not to mention how on earth do we remember all the lyrics but cant remember that one answer during a test that you studied hours for haha.

Music has a very deep power over people, the right choice of music can change a movie scene completely either making you feel deeply saddened or happy. If you hear that sound or song again you will remember that sad feeling you had and that scene will come back to you.

For example there is one time that i dont like to talk about it but ill bring it up because its a perfect example of how it can hurt you aswell. Quite a few years ago now i was involved in a large car crash with my family when a cement truck ran a stop sign, we hit it so hard that it tipped the truck over. Now because of music i remember every small detail and even smell from this accident. I was listening to one of my favourite bands’s new album (which now certain songs on that i cant listen to) My dad was driving and my little brother was in the front because he used to get car sick and me and mum were in the back, anyway all of a sudden we started braking hard BANG i was thrown forward then there was a black out moment as i opened my eyes it was dead quiet and no one was moving, there was smoke ( which was from the airbags) but i thought it was from a fire or something all the while one song was stuck on replay going over and over but it sounded so distant. This is the most painful part that i will never forget, i was so scared of either seeing my family injured or possibly dead that i ran out of the car in total fear leaving my family to die for all i knew. Luckily we all survived and mum got the worst injury with a fractured sternum and i just received some pretty bad whiplash.

So because of this song i can remember this accident so clearly and in such great detail and i have to live with that thought of me not helping my family when they could have been dead or badly injured and since then i swore to myself ill always put them and my friends safety before my own.

So thats music for you, it can be a curse but i couldn’t live without it, from the sad songs to the happy songs i love it all. So get out there and experience new tunes you never know you might find a new favourite.

What drives you?

10 Saturday Jan 2015

Posted by in depression, doctor, down, dream, dreams, drive, family, fitness, friends, friendship, health, health & wellness, health and wellness, help, hobbies, hobby, inspiration, inspire, life, life goals, mental health, support

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Most people have it whether its a long term ambition or just looking forward to the end of the day. I’m talking about what pushes you or drives you forward, it could be as simple as a new game you want to play or majority of the people…….. the weekend!!

These are small things that i’m sure you don’t even think about, they are just normal feelings of looking forward to something or enjoying your hobbies. Now try thinking of nothing, you have lost interest in things you like and there is nothing to look forward to not even in the short term. This is what a small part of depression feels like, you are stuck in limbo you don’t even care about the weekend you don’t even care what day it is because its just all the same. You lose interest in all the hobbies you once loved and you cant see why you even liked them in the first place. This becomes a very dangerous state of mind as you shut everyone and everything out, you have pretty much shut your mind off and all that’s left is negatives. This stage can get worse with some people as they don’t feel anything and so shut off that they self inflict injuries (if you see or if you are doing this seek help immediately there is plenty of places and the best place to start is your local GP)

That’s a small insight into depression so make the most of the fun times or hobbies you love, we all know the saying ‘stop and smell the roses’ so focus on the good things and your hobbies, or something you are looking forward to sometime in the future, you will be surprised to see you have alot you never really considered or gave much thought to.

Who are you?

08 Thursday Jan 2015

Posted by in addiction, anxiety, depression, family, friends, friendship, health & wellness, health and wellness, life, poetry, questions

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Who are you? sit down and ponder that for a while. Is the you that you’re showing to others the real you? how many versions of you is there? do you go out with friends and be the life of the party and aim to make others laugh but then at home you are quiet and withdrawn, which version is the real you? is it both? is it none? are you just chasing approval or wanting to please everyone other then yourself?

I ask myself the same question often. Why do i care about pleasing everyone or there opinion of me. Its impossible to please everyone in the same way not everyone likes the same sporting team or the same music, this is what makes the world work and creates new things from music to movies. With saying that it also creates groups and fan clubs. It also relates to personalities, not everyone will like yours but you will find that special group or fan club that love it, thats when you find true friendship, the moment you can be yourself and feel relaxed, no need to be careful what you say or what you do. You cannot have everyone like you so why try? just be you and have the real fans around you.

Do we control our mind or do our minds control us? Just remember the way i see red will be different to the way you see red.

What can i do if my friend is suffering from anxiety and depression?

03 Saturday Jan 2015

Posted by in family, fitness, friends, friendship, health, health and wellness, help, mental health, support

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Not only is this horrible for the person going through anxiety and depression but it also puts a strain on friendship because you feel so helpless.

Well ill list a few things you can do as a friend or a family member. First off still invite them out, they will say no alot but just asking makes them feel that they are still apart of the group and not left out. Next is listen, just listen to what they have to say it might not be about what they are going through but just a good conversation is brilliant.

The topic isnt taboo, you can talk about it with them and ask how they are going and things like that, its not a sensitive topic, you dont have to tip toe around it. Another one is a bit more specific with panic attacks, if you are with someone and they are having a panic attack just comfort them and sit down with them, make sure they are taking big deep breaths and just keep talking, this method has worked on me numerous of times.

One big one is be vigilant, if they seem to be changing in anyway with there personality and lose interest in things they used to love just try and gently push them to get some help or talk about it with their family members so they are aware aswell to help them out. You will find plenty of info on http://www.beyondblue.org.au

From someone still going through this just talk to us normally, you dont have to be careful what you say, but please be a true friend and be there and listen when we need you the most.

Hope this helps some people, the next part to my ongoing story should be up in the next couple of days 🙂