The loss of a family member is hard and is even worse when it’s so unexpected. I lost my grandmother on my mothers side and to see your mum cry and break down is the most painful thing to see in your life. I wanted to see her for the last time and unfortunately she had been gone for a few hours so when I saw her she was all white with no colour in her face at all. To me it wasn’t her, I don’t know what I was looking at but it wasn’t her or who I remembered which to me was a relief because I didn’t want all the good times and memories to be hindered by her last moment. I didn’t cry that day even though others did I didn’t know what to think really, mainly I was just blocking it out of my mind. Then came the funeral, I was strong through most of it until a song and a montage of her and to top it off seeing your mum break down i couldn’t hold it back anymore, my lips were bleeding from me biting down on them so hard. I tried to stay strong for everyone but it was inevitable. It was a beautiful send off for someone so fantastic with such a great personality and kindness.
To me physically she is gone but she is still around, I know alot of people don’t believe it but i know somehow she is still there.