Tag Archives: life

Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t

02 Thursday Nov 2017

Posted by in anger, answers, anxiety, blue, dark, depressed, depression, doctor, down, drugs, emotion, emotions, feelings, health & wellness, health and wellness, humanity, mental health, Uncategorized

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Have you ever dreaded when things are going well, just knowing that any minute now things will come crashing down like a roller coaster? Do you ever think it’s better being on the bottom of the roller coaster because your mind says it can’t get any worse but it usually does? i have and i believe many others do too. For this i have no answer to solving this dilemma and it’s not as easy as someone saying ‘just think positive thoughts and be happy with what you have’

With referring to my title i’m talking about medication. My doctor has put me onto something new, it’s been a few months and i don’t know if it’s working or not or if the original ones were maybe better. I’m going through a rough patch but is this rough patch exasperated by these meds that aren’t working properly? when is the feeling of anxiety normal? should i still be feeling it but not as bad or should it be stronger but just not as often? So many questions with no answers, maybe i should have stayed on the original medication? ‘Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t’

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ON THE RIGHT PATH

27 Saturday Feb 2016

Posted by in career, study, Uncategorized, university

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Hello all, I do realise it has been a long time since my last post but at least I have positives to talk about.

I lost my job again and seriously doubted can I do this for the rest of my life, I tried to think of things that I liked doing with my job and one thing came up, teaching/helping employees. I’m not a very patient guy but when it comes to teaching someone I have an unlimited amount and never get angry and to see someone actually learn something of importance was an awesome feeling. With support from my family and friends I applied for university to obtain a bachelors degree in education.

When I received an e-mail saying congratulations as they have accepted me I was shocked, I didn’t think I would get in but here I was thinking I’m too old to change careers now about to jump back into school and start again.

I haven’t officially started yet but I have gone for orientation and I’m really happy I took this step, I had worries at first (mainly financial stuff) but the government does help a bit and I’ll get a casual job in the meantime to cover other costs. I will write more as I go through Uni life as a mature aged student and give an insight to others that might be thinking the same thing.

My quick advice for now would be it’s never too late to change career and aim for something you enjoy doing, don’t stay unhappy in a job you don’t like not only will it bring you down but it hurts everyone else around you too.

Are relapses ok?

20 Tuesday Jan 2015

Posted by in addiction, alcohol, alone, anxiety, blue, depressed, depression, down, drugs, fear, health, health & wellness, health and wellness, mental health, relapse, xanax

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First off i don’t have an answer for this you can make up your own minds. I am human after all i have gone back to my old ways several times but just recently the feeling was too strong to resist, My mind wanted it and my body needed it. I think losing my job and getting rejection letters for other jobs iv’e applied for is actually getting to me, i grabbed the bottle of rum and washed down several pills, i felt nothing for a while and was a bit disappointed but there it was the feeling of complete relaxation and the slowed down thoughts of not caring about anything, oh how i had missed it, i slept in such a deep sleep you could have punched me and i wouldn’t have woken up. The following day i still had the effects and was pretty much comatose.

Its always there, that voice saying to just do it, it feels great i have nothing to lose. Most of the time i can ignore it and move on but my will is not always strong and i cave in to the voice. Strong on the outside but weak on the inside is how i felt. Right now im balancing on a ledge looking down into a dark deep hole and inside that hole is a voice saying “come on in everything will be fine” What’s holding me back from jumping in? im not sure but iv’e been dipping my feet in and living on the edge of this hole, its very easy to lose your balance so how long can i balance for?

Beginning of depression and Anxiety part 6

13 Tuesday Jan 2015

Posted by in My anxiety and depression story

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Withdrawal symptoms, The one thing i thought id never have to worry about. I never really thought xanax would do this but i was wrong and boy is it hard to stop especially cold turkey. The right way to do it is to see your local GP first and most likely he or she will help you slowly get off of them and cut back your intake to a safe level to stop.

What happens if you stop immediately you ask? Its hell, plain and simple, it took me a few goes to stop and have it under control and when i ran out i couldn’t get my hands on them it was a nightmare, hot and cold flushes, feeling sick, constant panic attacks and migraines is just a small sample of the things i went through and it didn’t just last a week it took a good month for it to start to settle. My nerves were shot i had no control of my hands they would constantly shake and i felt confined or trapped its hard to describe but it felt as though everything was pushing in around me and i couldn’t think straight all i needed was a xanax and then i knew i would be ok and things would be clear again.

I wish i had gone to the doctors for help to get off of it as it would have been so much better and safer, i consider myself lucky to have the will and strength to stop and rise up from this but i realised something, im not alone, there is many people out there going through the same thing and alot of people out there to help you deal with it. So remember to just talk about it, its a huge relief to do it and seek help. You are not alone 🙂

What drives you?

10 Saturday Jan 2015

Posted by in depression, doctor, down, dream, dreams, drive, family, fitness, friends, friendship, health, health & wellness, health and wellness, help, hobbies, hobby, inspiration, inspire, life, life goals, mental health, support

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Most people have it whether its a long term ambition or just looking forward to the end of the day. I’m talking about what pushes you or drives you forward, it could be as simple as a new game you want to play or majority of the people…….. the weekend!!

These are small things that i’m sure you don’t even think about, they are just normal feelings of looking forward to something or enjoying your hobbies. Now try thinking of nothing, you have lost interest in things you like and there is nothing to look forward to not even in the short term. This is what a small part of depression feels like, you are stuck in limbo you don’t even care about the weekend you don’t even care what day it is because its just all the same. You lose interest in all the hobbies you once loved and you cant see why you even liked them in the first place. This becomes a very dangerous state of mind as you shut everyone and everything out, you have pretty much shut your mind off and all that’s left is negatives. This stage can get worse with some people as they don’t feel anything and so shut off that they self inflict injuries (if you see or if you are doing this seek help immediately there is plenty of places and the best place to start is your local GP)

That’s a small insight into depression so make the most of the fun times or hobbies you love, we all know the saying ‘stop and smell the roses’ so focus on the good things and your hobbies, or something you are looking forward to sometime in the future, you will be surprised to see you have alot you never really considered or gave much thought to.

Who are you?

08 Thursday Jan 2015

Posted by in addiction, anxiety, depression, family, friends, friendship, health & wellness, health and wellness, life, poetry, questions

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Who are you? sit down and ponder that for a while. Is the you that you’re showing to others the real you? how many versions of you is there? do you go out with friends and be the life of the party and aim to make others laugh but then at home you are quiet and withdrawn, which version is the real you? is it both? is it none? are you just chasing approval or wanting to please everyone other then yourself?

I ask myself the same question often. Why do i care about pleasing everyone or there opinion of me. Its impossible to please everyone in the same way not everyone likes the same sporting team or the same music, this is what makes the world work and creates new things from music to movies. With saying that it also creates groups and fan clubs. It also relates to personalities, not everyone will like yours but you will find that special group or fan club that love it, thats when you find true friendship, the moment you can be yourself and feel relaxed, no need to be careful what you say or what you do. You cannot have everyone like you so why try? just be you and have the real fans around you.

Do we control our mind or do our minds control us? Just remember the way i see red will be different to the way you see red.